The Power of an Effective Thinking Environment
We all claim the ability to listen; to hold space for others when they have something to say. But do we really know how to create an effective space and listen competently so the other person can think effectively?
Thinking is something we all do. Whether it’s in a busy work environment or round a conference table, in social situations, or alone in our private space. But how well can we think effectively in our increasingly fast paced world where everyone has a hundred and one things to do and not enough hours in the day to do them. Do we really know what it means to listen with attention, patience and silence, without interruption, and to really hear what is being said. And at the same time to listen with expression, acknowledgment and convey silent understanding that we have heard.
For me, the answer to this question is largely no; as a society we fall vastly short. In today’s busy world we simply don’t give each other the necessary conditions to think profoundly and feel truly heard. To think freely without interruption or judgment, ensuring our thoughts aren’t dismissed and avoiding the urge for the listener to jump in with solutions. Thinking and listening go hand in hand. If we get it right, it can be a wonderful partnership where both compliment each other and a beautiful space is created.
What is a thinking environment?
A Thinking Environment simply means creating the conditions necessary for deep meaningful thinking to occur (also referred to as introspection). A peaceful space where silence is held, allowing you to think freely at a deeper level and pace yourself without the fear of interruption. It’s a space free from expectations, distractions, judgments or offered solutions. Instead, there is silence, presence, attention and patience. A thinking environment is not solely dependant upon the physical environment. It encompasses much more than just your surroundings. It relies on the quality of the listener to offer the space needed to create the necessary conditions for profound thinking. When we enter a state of deep reflective thought, we open ourselves to vulnerability, seeking connection from the listener to feel safely supported.
Think back to a time when you were talking to someone about something that was on your mind. This could have been a friend, a colleague, a family member or even a stranger you felt a connection with. Perhaps you had a challenge you needed to think over, a decision you wanted to make, or a feeling you wanted to explore. Take a moment to reflect. What sort of space was held for you? How effectively were you able to think and access your deeper thoughts? How often were you interrupted? How beneficial was that space for you?
Let’s take an example to demonstrate how this might look …
Scenario one. You have arranged to meet a friend at a coffee shop for a chat over a cup of coffee. The shop is bustling with people, the tables are full, the music is playing moderately in the background and the constant sound of chatter fills the room.
You begin to talk about something that is on your mind; a difficult decision you have to make, perhaps an uncomfortable feeling or a deeper challenge you are facing. Every time you enter a reflective state you get interrupted by the crying baby on the table next door, or the sudden blast of the coffee machine frantically making the hot drinks, the sound of crockery clanging together, or by the waitress who brings over the coffee. Your favourite song starts playing, notifications are pinging on your phone and you can hear the conversations of others nearby. Your friend is listening to you but their intermittent eye gaze as they look away to check their phone and turn their attention to the distractions in the room tells you they are distracted by everything going on around them, and who could blame them!
In this scenario I think its pretty clear to most of us why this wasn’t the ideal thinking environment. Not only was the physical environment noisy, busy and stimulating all of your senses at once, but your audience was not fully present with you. Broken eye contact as they scanned the room, the constant interruptions from all the noises around you and the lack of focused attention by your friend. These were not the conditions in which reflective introspection could occur.
Scenario two. Now, let’s consider the same scenario but this time the coffee shop is quiet, there isn’t any music playing, most people have gone home and the environment is peaceful. You begin to think and allow yourself the freedom to follow your thoughts wherever they may take you.
This time your friend consistently interrupts your trail of thought, offering their perspective and coming up with ideas to fix your problem or solutions to the challenge you are facing. Each time you pause to reflect on your thoughts, your friend interjects, appearing to have their own agenda of wanting to help and be useful. You say your goodbyes and leave the coffee shop feeling no closer to understanding your thoughts and without the emotional connection you were seeking. You don’t feel truly heard.
In this scenario what was going on? What caused you to lose focus? Why did you leave feeling unsettled and no closer to feeling heard? What was it about this environment that meant you couldn’t think, convey and be heard in the way you needed to be? In short, the environment you were in was not conducive of a thinking environment, in fact it was quite the opposite. On the surface it appeared as though the conditions were pretty good, a peaceful room, no distractions and your friend seemed to be “listening” and offering helpful advise to try and sooth you, with the best intentions.
However, remember … a thinking environment is not solely dependant upon the physical environment. A thinking environment encompasses much more than just your surroundings. It relies on the quality of the listener to offer the space needed to create the necessary conditions for a thinking environment.
“The quality of the listening determines the quality of the thinking”
Your friend had good intentions by jumping in and offering advise, but at what cost to your quality of thinking? Many of us see ourselves as “fixers”. As someone with a solution mindset, who enjoys addressing problems and being the answer to difficult challenges. The problem with this fix-it mentality is that it puts your own needs above the thinkers’ needs, and reduces their ability to find their own answers.
When we don’t allow others the time and space to think freely and without interruption, this is hugely counterproductive to the thinker. We are diminishing the quality of their thinking and denying them access to profound thought. Some of our most valuable insights comes from prolonged silence. From those quiet spaces that open the door to deep reflection, where we can explore the twists and turns of our thoughts, without rush or the anticipation of interruption.
When we predict interruption, our focus shifts from our thoughts to the anticipation of being cut short. This not only disrupts our train of thought but also rushes our thinking, hindering profound reflection. Consequently, we only ever manage to think at surface level. Furthermore, when we are not able to think effectively, this can prevent us from articulating ourselves accurately, which leads to a whole new challenge!
How can we create an effective thinking environment?
So what could have improved the scenarios above to create the necessary conditions of a thinking environment? First and foremost finding a quiet uninterrupted space is fundamental. Remember this refers to both the physical environment and the quality of the space held by the listener. One of my favourite books is called ‘Time to Think’ by Nancy Kline, and for me she captures the essence of silence beautifully.
“Being able to think without interruption is great. Knowing you wont be interrupted is bliss”
Your physical environment matters, but so does the behaviour of the listener. In our interactions with others, our listening skills play a fundamental role in the quality of their thinking. If the coffee shop were quiet and free from distractions, and your friend created an open, silent space while demonstrating active listening, this would establish a strong foundation for an effective thinking environment. When we learn to hold space for others, embrace silence, refrain from interjecting with our own thoughts, and listen with silent acknowledgment, we foster a conducive thinking environment.
It may feel uncomfortable at first if we're not accustomed to holding a silent space. We often feel the urge to fill silences, perceiving them as awkward moments. Becoming comfortable in these moments takes practice and requires us to sit with our discomfort for the benefit of the thinker. However, with time and a foundational understanding of the importance of silence, we can overcome this unease.
When we demonstrate active listening, we maintain eye contact and convey emotional connection. We use occasional nonverbal gestures to show our presence and embrace silence when the thinker pauses, recognising they are engaging in valuable reflection as they seek the next piece of their puzzle. We give our full attention to the thinker, without agenda or the need to offer a solution, an opinion or our own perspective. Of course, there will be times when the thinker actively seeks your input. It is human nature to seek reassurance from others and it’s perfectly okay to respond in these moments, but we must learn to recognise when this is useful and when it isn’t.
What are the benefits of changing the way we listen?
If we learn to read our surroundings and pay attention to the thinker, we can recognise when reflective thinking is happening and when it isn’t. This allows us to be effective listeners, helping the other person dive deeper into their thoughts, while also being a casual friend who offers verbal engagement when needed. When we listen and give space in this way, we bring that valued sense of connection, which is a fundamental part of humans emotional wellbeing.
We are wired for connection, so creating a space where that connection can be felt is hugely beneficial for our thinking. It signals to our bodies that we are safe and supported, allowing us to be vulnerable and open. When we give others the gift of a thinking environment we are acknowledging their vulnerability, sharing their intimate reflective space and the valuable insights which can ensue. When done effectively these moment can be both empowering and beautiful.
By learning to create a thinking environment for others, we model its effectiveness and witness the results firsthand through the other person's experience. This brings awareness of our own thinking environments, enabling us to create a space conducive for our own reflective thinking. It is a win win for both listener and thinker.
How can we make these changes in our busy lives?
Next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone, pause and assess the dynamic between you. What do they need in this moment? What will be most effective for their thinking? Can you best serve them by standing back, opening the space and listening? Or are they actively seeking your input and feedback?
If your assessment is the former, remember the most effective thing you can do for them is to simply listen. Really listen. Hold the space open for them and listen with your whole body, demonstrating your presence through eye contact and body language. Let them know you are hearing them with subtle non verbal gestures. Put your own agenda to one side and give them the gift of a powerful thinking environment. An environment where they can explore their thoughts more deeply, gain greater insight, and discover their own answers. You can be a part of this empowering process through simply offering the necessary conditions for a thinking environment. This is your gift to them.
If you'd like to learn more about the space I can provide during our coaching sessions, please get in touch. Click the link below to book your Complimentary Call, where we can discuss your goals and how I can best support your thinking.
