Understanding Self-Worth, Self-Esteem, and Confidence: Your Path to Empowerment
Many of us have faced moments or even longer periods of low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, or feelings of low self-worth. These experiences can be overwhelming, disempowering and leave us stuck in self-doubt and uncertainty, often affecting our mood and overall well-being. But the good news is, we have the power to recognise these patterns and take action to transform them.
Self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence are deeply interconnected yet distinct concepts of our inner world. Together, they play vital roles in shaping how we perceive ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we navigate our lives. Understanding the differences between these concepts and learning how to build and strengthen them can be transformative, leading to a more empowered, fulfilled, and resilient life. Let’s break them down in more detail to understand how they each contribute to a strong, empowered sense of self.
Self-Worth: Understanding of Our Inherent Value
Self-worth is the most fundamental of the three concepts, so its worth spending some time here. In it’s simplest form, self-worth is the unwavering belief that we are valuable, deserving, and worthy, simply because we exist.
It recognises our intrinsic value regardless of our successes, achievements, possessions, appearance, or how others perceive us. Our self-worth doesn’t come from what we do or what we have; it lies at the core of who we are, and how we perceive ourselves and approach life. The essence of self worth is that we accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, without the need for external validation; meaning we are less dependant on approval from others to validate our worth. This way of being enables us to live our lives more authentically, in line with who we truly are.
At the heart of self-worth is love and self-compassion; embracing the belief that we are deserving of kindness, patience, and respect, just as much as anyone else. With high self-worth, we’re more inclined to set and honour healthy boundaries, protect our needs, and form balanced relationships. This mindset supports decision making, goal setting, and a positive outlook because we trust in our capabilities, which naturally boosts motivation and resilience. Higher emotional resilience also tends to follow, helping to reduce anxiety and depressive symptoms linked to low self-worth.
Conversely, low self-worth is often accompanied by constant self-comparison, feelings of unworthiness, a reliance on external validation, and the belief that we’re "not good enough." These thoughts can trigger anxiety, depression, negative self-talk, stress, and emotional instability. Seeking approval from others can prevent us from setting boundaries that protect our own needs, which can lead to resentment and strained relationships. When we doubt our value, we’re more likely to experience low motivation, fear of rejection, and even self-sabotage, feeling like our efforts won’t matter, so why try at all? Low self-worth can manifest in the form of unrealistically high expectations, heightened stress, and poor self-care, as well as struggling to accept compliments and make decisions confidently.
A strong foundation of self-worth is essential for building self-esteem and confidence. It impacts how we show up in the world and empowers us to become the people we truly want to be, capable of thriving rather than simply surviving.
Self-Esteem: The Attitude Toward Ourselves
Self-worth is rooted in the fundamental belief that we are inherently valuable, just as we are. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is our personal evaluation of that value. It’s the opinion we hold of ourselves, and how much we respect, like, and approve of who we are.
Self-esteem is our inner assessment of how we view ourselves, focusing on whether we meet our own standards and feel confident in our abilities, appearance, and character. It’s a constantly evolving judgment that can rise and fall based on our successes, failures, and our overall self-perception. A healthy level of self-esteem acts as our internal cheerleader, helping counter the influence of the inner critic. When self-esteem is high, we’re more emotionally resilient, better able to bounce back from setbacks, and open to growth, because we trust our ability to handle challenges.
However, low self-esteem tends to amplify negative self talk, making it easy for our inner critic to drain our confidence and trigger feelings of inadequacy or failure. This can lead to struggles with accepting compliments, downplaying achievements, and fearing rejection - all of which can cause us to avoid new opportunities in an attempt to guard ourselves against disappointment. Over time, this critical mindset can lead to excessive worry about others' opinions, sparking a downward spiral of self-doubt, insecurity, and negative self image that traps us in an unhelpful cycle.
Building and nurturing self-esteem creates a more balanced, positive self-view that helps us handle life’s challenges, embrace self-acceptance, and reduces the emotional instability associated with self-doubt.
Confidence: The Belief in Our Abilities
Confidence is the outward expression of self-worth and self-esteem combined. It’s the belief in our abilities, qualities, and judgments, that we have what it takes to face challenges, make decisions, achieve goals, and succeed. It’s having the courage to take action, even in the face of uncertainty.
Confidence reflects how we view our skills and abilities and how willing we are to take action and seize opportunities. It empowers us to step outside our comfort zone and embrace vulnerability. Our human brain is programmed to run away from vulnerability, but it is crucial we learn to embrace it and get familiar with being in this uncomfortable space if we want to push ahead, set goals, and take risks without the fear of failure holding us back.
When we have confidence, we’re less affected by criticism or rejection because we are more likely to see them as opportunities for growth, rather than as attacks on our character. We trust in our capacity to handle tasks, make decisions, and navigate challenges. This inner trust equips us with courage to face uncertainty and take action even when things feel unfamiliar or daunting. When confidence is high, we adopt a positive mindset, empowering us to step up, take risks, embrace new opportunities, and grow. Confidence not only propels us forward but also shapes our interactions with others because it invites others respect and inspires trust.
When confidence is low, it's tempting to shy away from challenges or anything outside our comfort zone. This can lead to missed opportunities, overthinking, and doubting our own judgment. We might become overly cautious, fearing that making a mistake will only confirm our self-doubts. This can limit our potential and keep us stuck in situations that don’t truly serve us. Low confidence often makes us overly dependent on external validation, seeking approval from others to feel worthy or capable. This dependency can prevent us from trusting our instincts and making choices that align with our true desires. We might also find ourselves overly concerned with how others perceive us and worry too much about their opinions, which can hold us back from taking the necessary steps forward. When we’re reliant on other people to validate us, this is a sign of low self-worth in action.
Nurturing a Healthier Self-Worth
Practicing self-compassion, especially when we find it hard, is essential for self-worth. By treating ourself with the same kindness and understanding that we would extend to a friend, we send a powerful message to our mind that we matter. This means being patient, forgiving, and understanding toward ourselves, accepting that everyone makes mistakes, and viewing setbacks as part of the learning process, letting go of perfectionism and harsh self-criticism. This gives rise to patience and gentle encouragement, creating a more supportive inner dialogue.
By identifying and challenging self-doubt and limiting beliefs, we give ourselves the opportunity to see that these beliefs often lack a solid foundation, weakening our inner critic. By reframing unhelpful beliefs into more positive, empowering statements and affirmations, we remind ourselves that our worth is not tied to our achievements or anyone else’s opinions of us. Using positive statements to reinforce our worth, such as "I am deserving of love and success" or "I trust myself to make the right decisions." Reflecting on these daily can remind us of our positive attributes. It can be helpful to pin these affirmations around the house, to act as visual reminders throughout the day. Exercises like these take time and practice to truly embed in our neural pathways. Repetition is key, even if we may not believe them at first. The more we practise them, the easier and more natural accessing supportive thoughts is over time.
We can introduce healthy boundaries which prioritise and protect our own needs, learning to say "no" when necessary and when the outcome doesn’t serve us. The foundation of healthy boundaries is self awareness, so it’s useful to spend some time reflecting on what matters to us, how we are feeling and what needs to happen for us to feel valued.
Prioritising activities that uplift us and intentionally scheduling time for self-care nurtures our well-being, reinforcing a supportive relationship with ourselves. Regularly acknowledging our strengths, skills and achievements builds this foundation, helping us appreciate our uniqueness and individuality, rather than comparing ourselves to others. We are all different and we can all be celebrated. Celebrating our achievements, no matter how small, is a great way to recognise the effort we put in to reaching them, reinforcing our recognition of our strengths and capabilities.
Understanding the positive impact we have on those around us is another key foundation for self-worth. We are each important to someone, and our presence and actions can make a real difference in their lives. What may seem like a small or insignificant gesture to us can have a profound effect on someone else. By recognising the value we bring in these moments, we reinforce the truth that we all have a unique place and purpose in this world.
Having a supportive social network has a huge influence on the way we feel about ourselves. Other people’s words and energy can carry weight, therefore protecting our social space invites the people who uplift us, bring helpful encouragement and who champion our efforts. Learning to accept compliments with gratitude, instead of dismissing them, even if we don’t fully believe them yet, is another consistent message we can send to our brain that we are worthy and valued. Remember, building self-worth is about laying a solid foundation from which self-esteem and confidence can grow.
Building a Strong Foundation for Self-Esteem
If we want to improve our self-esteem, we must focus on our strengths rather than our weaknesses, and crucially, celebrate our wins, however small. Each win is a step forward. By recognising the good within us, we learn to appreciate our strengths and give ourselves the credit we deserve. Healthy self-esteem involves acknowledging that perfection isn't the goal, and doesn’t exist. Instead it's about embracing our imperfections and showing ourselves kindness and compassion, especially during moments of failure or self-doubt. Being gentle with ourselves is essential to maintaining a positive and balanced self-view.
Many of us tend to set unrealistically high expectations for ourselves, which can negatively impact our self-esteem. When we set the bar too high, we risk becoming overly self-critical and feeling inadequate when we fall short. While it's perfectly fine to aim high and set ambitious goals, it's equally important to practise self-compassion when things don’t go as planned.
Be open to taking things slower if necessary, setting smaller goals, which increase our likelihood of achieving them, increasing the frequency of our wins. This gives us regular opportunities to celebrate our wins and acknowledge the skill and effort it took to get there, which reinforces our sense of value. Spending time with people who lift us up and champion our skills and abilities, reinforces awareness of our strengths and is crucial for protecting our self-esteem. When we catch ourselves thinking "I'm not good enough," we can challenge these thoughts, and ask ourselves, are they based on facts? If so, where is the evidence? Or is this merely an assumption or limiting belief we hold? What statement might be truer or more helpful?
Remember that setbacks don’t define our worth or capabilities. If we view them as part of the journey to get there, we make room for growth and new learning, whilst building our resilience without being self critical. This links back to what I said earlier about embracing our imperfections and viewing ourselves as a work in progress. Building healthy self-esteem is a gradual journey, it cannot be rushed, but each step forward brings us closer to realising our potential and being open to new opportunities.
Steps to Boost Confidence
Building confidence begins with embracing vulnerability and having the courage to step outside our comfort zone. It might feel daunting at first, but as we take those small steps, we start to find our feet and realise what's possible for us. I love Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability. Her work says that if we are willing to step outside of our comfort zone and push through the discomfort of vulnerability, we realise that we have potential and opportunities right in front of us. If we want to create the life we desire, we must be willing to “step into the arena” and try. Start by setting small, achievable goals that push our boundaries just enough to promote growth and small steps forward, without feeling overwhelming.
Celebrate every win, no matter how small, and let each success become a stepping stone toward bigger challenges. We can even visualise success by picturing ourselves achieving our goals and navigating obstacles. Visualisation can be a really useful tool for some people, helping to reinforce a positive mindset, preparing us mentally for success.
Surrounding ourselves with a supportive network can be one of the most powerful things we can do. When we surround ourselves by like minded confident people and put ourselves in situations designed to build confidence, our mindset begins to shift and we build momentum. We start to believe in our ability to succeed, reinforcing a "can-do" attitude that motivates us to keep moving forward. Confidence grows from taking action, learning from experiences, and trusting ourselves. It’s not about always being right but being okay with whatever the outcome is.
Seeking support through a trusted friend, mentor, therapist or life coach, can be incredibly beneficial. It is important to remember, that building self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence is a continuous journey, not a destination. It’s not a one time achievement; it's a lifelong journey of self-discovery, growth, and self-love. It's okay to have days where we struggle. What's important is our commitment to growth and our willingness to keep moving forward. Remember that every step we take towards embracing our true value is a step toward living a more fulfilled and empowered life. Believe that we are capable of change and deserving of a life that reflects our true worth.
We are enough, just as we are.
If you're ready to explore your self-worth and strengthen your self-esteem and confidence, let's connect! Together, we’ll unlock your inherent value so you can live a life that’s true to who you are.
