Self-Compassion: How Self-Care Begins Within
Self-care. We've all been told at some point that we need to take better care of ourselves, but do we truly understand what that means? Is self-care simply the act of taking a hot bath, enjoying a favourite drink, or carving out time to read? Or is it more profound, encompassing a deeper commitment to nurturing our emotional, mental, and physical well-being?
Whilst these pleasurable activities can be part of self care, we owe it to ourselves to understand the real foundations, and how we can cultivate practices that nurture our well-being on a deeper, more sustainable level. Most of us understand what compassion means and frequently extend it to those we care about, but how often do we turn that compassion inward and show it to ourselves? Self-compassion lies at the core of self-care; without it, true self-care isn't possible. The two are inseparable, like a lock and key. If we want to practise meaningful self-care, we must open ourselves to self-compassion.
What is self-care?
Self-care is the practice of intentionally taking time to nurture and maintain our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It involves engaging in activities that promote relaxation, reduce stress, and give us the opportunity to temporarily pause and switch off from our fast paced lives.
Self-care can include several distinct practises each focusing on a different part of our overall wellbeing; physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual. Combining these distinct practises helps us to nurture a more balanced life. At its core, self-care is about recognising our own needs and taking proactive steps to meet them in a balanced and sustainable way.
Physical self-care might include anything from prioritising sleep, regular exercise, eating nourishing food, enjoying a hot bath or engaging in daily skincare practises.
Emotional self-care could take the form of journaling our thoughts and feelings, practising mindfulness and meditation, setting healthy emotional boundaries with others, taking time for hobbies that bring us joy or even seeking support from a clinical therapist.
Mental-self care might consist of reading books to stimulate your mind, learning something new, taking regular breaks from stressful tasks or engaging in creative activities which require mindfulness such as painting or writing.
Social self-care can involve spending time with friends and family, engaging in meaningful conversations, reaching out to your support network for connection, or even upholding boundaries by saying ‘no’ to social commitments when it doesn’t feel right or we need time for ourselves to recharge.
Spiritual self-care can come in the form of positive affirmations to ourselves, practising gratitude, engaging in hobbies and activities which align with our beliefs and values, spending time outside with nature or attending religious gatherings.
Self-care goes beyond simply indulging in pleasurable comforts; it invites us to listen to ourselves so we can recognise our needs, setting healthy boundaries and creating habits and routines that support our long term well-being, growth and resilience. It can look different for everyone because it’s deeply personal and unique to us.
For some, self-care might mean prioritising physical health through scheduling regular physical activity, taking the time to plan healthy meals, and ensuring adequate sleep. For others, it could mean setting boundaries in relationships, managing stress through meditation, or setting aside time for quiet personal reflection. At its core, self-care is about self-awareness and intentionality. It requires tuning into our emotional, physical, and mental states and understanding what we need in order to feel balanced, energised, and healthy, especially when we are going through a difficult time.
Crucially, self care also involves practicing self-compassion, allowing ourselves space to rest, acknowledging our limits, and caring for ourselves without guilt. True self-care isn’t a luxury or an occasional treat, but rather an ongoing practice of nurturing ourselves to prevent burnout, reduce stress, and maintain holistic well-being. It’s about refuelling, so we can show up fully for ourselves and others in a sustainable and authentic way.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially during times of difficulty, failure, or suffering. It’s a practice that encourages us to give ourselves the same care and kindness we would extend to a friend or loved one.
Self-compassion is about recognising our own struggles and shortcomings without harsh judgement, offering ourselves comfort during these difficult times, and acknowledging that imperfection is a normal part of the shared human experience. Instead of being overly critical, self-compassion encourages us to be gentle and patient with ourselves, allowing for greater emotional resilience, reducing anxiety, and fostering a more positive self-image. Self-compassion consists of three key components:
Self-Kindness: Instead of being harshly self critical when we experience setbacks or challenges, self-kindness encourages us to speak to ourselves with warmth and support. It means recognising that everyone makes mistakes and that it's okay to be imperfect.
Common Humanity: This aspect emphasises that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. Instead of feeling isolated in our struggles, self-compassion helps us recognise that many others go through similar difficulties, fostering a sense of connection and understanding.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being aware of our thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way. It means observing our emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them and recognising what we need in that moment. In the context of self-compassion, mindfulness helps us to acknowledge our difficulties, failures or challenges, whilst maintaining a balanced perspective.
By embracing self-compassion, we can cultivate a healthier relationship with ourselves, foster resilience, and enhance our overall well-being. Ultimately, self-compassion is not just about feeling good; it’s about nurturing a compassionate mindset that supports our personal growth and authentic living.
What does fostering self-compassion mean for us, and how can it benefit our well-being?
When we truly cultivate self-compassion, we open ourselves to a plethora of benefits that positively impact our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, studies actually show that we can reduce stress, anxiety and depression, because we alleviate the harsh self-criticism that often fuels these mental health conditions. Self-compassion helps to build our emotional resilience, allowing us to recover more quickly from setbacks and challenges. For example, when we are faced with failure or disappointment, those of us who practice self-compassion are less likely to ruminate on these negative experiences and instead are more likely to learn from them.
Self-compassion helps us to build healthier relationships, because when we become kinder and less critical of ourselves, we are more able to extend this kindness to others, fostering a sense of connection and empathy.
Contrary to the notion that self-criticism drives motivation, self-compassion can actually boost our drive. By pursuing our goals with a compassionate mindset, we are more inclined to take positive action without the constant fear of failure holding us back. Self-compassion encourages self-acceptance of our flaws and imperfections. This acceptance can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life, where we feel free to be ourselves without the pressure to conform to unrealistic standards. Ultimately, self-compassion creates a foundation for holistic growth and long-term well-being.
What is the relationship between self-compassion and self-care?
Self-compassion and self-care are deeply intertwined concepts that work in harmony to support our overall well-being. For us to truly practise meaningful authentic self-care, we must first cultivate self-compassion. Without this, self-care becomes merely a surface level obligation.
While self-care focuses on the actions we take to nurture our physical, emotional, and mental health, self-compassion provides the gentle mindset needed to approach these practices. When we cultivate self-compassion, we foster an inner environment of kindness and acceptance, allowing us to engage in self-care without judgment or guilt. This partnership enables us to prioritise our needs authentically, helping us to recharge and heal.
Self-compassion is a foundational basis for self-care: When we practice self-compassion, we recognise our worth and needs, which empowers us to prioritise self-care activities. If we genuinely believe that we deserve care and kindness, we are far more likely to engage in self-care practices.
Self-compassion creates emotional motivation: When we have an internal supportive environment, we are more motivated us to take care of ourselves when we are faced with difficult challenges. Those of us who practice self-compassion are more likely to respond with nurturing actions towards ourselves, rather than self criticism. This emotionally supportive mindset encourages us to take care of our needs, seeking activities that promote our physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Self-compassion promotes guilt free self care: Opening ourselves to self-compassion helps us to overcome feelings of guilt or selfishness that can often arise when taking time out for ourselves. When we understand that self-care is a necessary component of our well-being, we are able to peacefully prioritise our needs without the weight of guilt and judgment.
Both self-compassion and self-care encompass a degree of mindfulness: Being self-aware and mindful of our needs and feelings is crucial for both self-compassion and self-care. In order for us to show ourselves self-compassion, we need to be fully present with our emotions and recognise when they need care and attention. This mindfulness then prompts us to engage in the self-care activities that address our needs.
Self-compassion leads to more sustainable self-care practices: When we approach self-care with authentic kindness and understanding, we are more likely to commit to our self-care practices over time, seeing them as a necessary part of our life, as opposed to time wasting, chores or involuntary obligations.
Self-compassion and self-care work together to foster holistic growth: While self-care addresses physical and mental health needs, self-compassion nurtures emotional resilience and self-acceptance. This combination creates a balanced approach to well-being, supporting our overall growth and enabling us to thrive in multiple areas of our lives.
It is evident that self-compassion and self-care are interconnected practices that work together to enhance our overall well-being. Self-compassion lays the groundwork if you like, for recognising and prioritising our self-care needs, whilst self-care practise embodies the actions we take to nurture ourselves.
By integrating both practices into our daily lives, we can cultivate a more compassionate relationship with ourselves, fostering a sustainable approach to our happiness, and emotional, mental and physical health.
How can we incorporate self-compassion into our daily lives?
Incorporating self-compassion into our lives involves developing a mindset of kindness toward ourselves and being mindful of our inner dialogue. There are many ways we can do this:
Practicing mindful self-awareness: Learning to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judgment. When we notice negative self-talk, this awareness allows us to pause and acknowledge the difficulty we’re facing, instead of criticising ourselves. Mindfulness helps us to stay present and compassionate, even when things are challenging.
Talking to ourselves kindly: Treating ourselves like we would a close friend or family member. If we’re struggling, offering ourselves words of encouragement, or giving ourselves a hug, instead of unhelpful criticism can be a great way to over-ride our inner critic. We can replace negative self-talk with affirmations such as, "It’s okay to feel this way," or "I’m doing my best." When we are consistent with our internal messaging, our brains begin to lay new neural pathways which strengthen these affirmations.
Allowing ourselves to make mistakes: Acknowledging that mistakes and failures are a natural part of life and learning. Instead of being hard on ourselves, we can view setbacks as opportunities for growth! This is a hugely beneficial mindset shift, which can open the door to so many opportunities we might never have considered otherwise. Practicing forgiveness toward ourselves when things don’t work out helps us to build resilience, making us emotionally stronger next time.
Setting healthy boundaries: Recognising our limits and learning to say ‘no’ when necessary. Self-compassion involves prioritising our own well-being, and understanding that it’s okay to protect our needs, even if this means saying no. Making time for ourselves without feeling guilty is crucial!
Celebrating small wins: Taking time to acknowledge our progress and celebrating our achievements, however small, fosters a sense of pride and encourages positive self-regard. Showing gratitude for our efforts, not just the outcomes, is a key part of self-compassion.
Engaging in self-care practices: Prioritising self-care activities like taking time to rest, eating nourishing food, or engaging in hobbies that bring us joy are essential ways we can nurture ourselves. Acknowledging that prioritising our mental and physical well-being is an essential part of practicing self-compassion.
Embracing vulnerability: Accepting that it’s normal and okay for us to feel vulnerable and experience difficult emotions. Rather than suppressing these feelings and hoping they go away, we can practice embracing them with compassion and patience. Vulnerability is a normal part of being human, and showing kindness toward ourselves in those moments strengthens our emotional resilience. We expand our opportunity for growth when we allow vulnerability in.
Developing a compassionate morning ritual: Starting our day with a brief self-compassion meditation or affirmation. For example, "I am enough," or "I will treat myself with kindness today." Creating a daily routine of self-compassion helps it become a natural part of our mindset. The more we practise it, the stronger this mindset becomes.
Seeking support when needed: Recognising that asking for help or seeking emotional support is not a weakness, but an act of self-compassion. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or clinical professionals when we need support, guidance or emotional care is so important.
When we open ourselves to compassion, we are gifting ourselves the true meaning of self-care. This practice allows us to acknowledge our feelings, embrace our imperfections, and recognise our inherent worth. By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we create a nurturing environment that fosters healing and growth.
Self-compassion encourages us to prioritise our needs without guilt, paving the way for healthier habits and deeper emotional resilience. Ultimately, it empowers us to cultivate a loving relationship with ourselves, which is the foundation for overall well-being and a more fulfilling life. We owe it to ourselves to take care of us!
If self-compassion and self-care are areas you feel are missing from your life, I invite you to get in touch. Together, we can explore how I can support you with introducing self-compassion and making the mindset shifts necessary to foster positive change.
