Why Values Are Key to Authentic Living
Values … a word which differentiates us as individuals and which lies at the foundation of our behaviour and how we choose to show up.
What are Values?
We each have our own set of core values that are authentic to us. These are the inner rules if you like, that you live by. They influence our behaviours and govern how we show up in the world, acting as our inner compass to navigate how we live our lives day to day. There may be several things we value and these can all be relevant and play a part in our lives, however our core values will be our top 5; the things we rate most highly and choose not to compromise on.
Our core values are most powerful when they are intrinsic, meaning they come from within us and are true to who we really are. Intrinsic values can motivate us to act and strive towards behaviours that are in line with our values. When deciding how to move past challenges in an authentic and positive way, it can be really useful to take a moment to consider your core values. Your values can change over time. They are not set in stone and there are no right or wrong answers.
How do we find our core values?
It can sometimes feel confusing when we think about what our values are. We might have a rough idea of what is important to us and what we are grateful for in our lives, but when it comes to understanding what core values lie at the heart of our being and our behaviour, this is usually a little more challenging to unpick on the surface. The good news is … it doesn’t have to be.
In our busy modern lives it is so easy to overlook time for ourselves. I’m not referring to those quiet evenings where we zone out in front of the TV watching whatever all consuming content is projecting itself on the screen in front of us. I’m referring to specific moments set aside in our day which are dedicated for us to step aside from our schedules and allow ourselves to sit with our thoughts, feelings and emotions, and be consciously aware of what is going on for us, both emotionally and somatically. How are we supposed to tap into our foundations when we don’t allow this time and space for ourselves.
The first step, and I’d argue the most important step, is for us to carve out some quiet un-interrupted time in our schedules where we can open up the opportunity for us to check in with our mind and body. When we give ourselves the gift of this environment, we can expand our thinking to a deeper level, and begin to explore our values fully. We might consider, what is fundamentally important to our overall wellbeing, who do we want to be, how do we want to behave and show up for others around us, what really matters to us, and what are we not willing to compromise on.
As our lives change and evolve, so our core values may change, so it’s a good idea to check in with yourself every so often to see if your values have shifted, and if so, how you can shape your behaviour to ensure they remain in alignment. If you would like to explore what your core values are then I would encourage you to subscribe to my newsletter where you will receive a FREE values exercise to complete. You may be surprised by your answers! As a thank you for connecting, you’ll get access to free resources, my top coaching tips, articles and special offers. Sign up at the bottom of this blog.
What happens when our behaviour is not in alignment with our Values?
When our behaviour and values are not in alignment, this causes conflict. We may not be consciously aware of it, but it will likely be causing us some level of emotional discomfort. We might be able to recognise that we don’t “feel right”, perhaps uncomfortable, unsettled, unbalanced, agitated or flustered, yet be unable to identify where this is coming from. When we notice this, it can be a good time to check in and ask ourselves some key questions. Where might these feelings be coming from? What is triggering these emotions? What are my thoughts in this moment? How might my behaviour be contributing? How would I like to be responding instead? What needs to happen for this feeling to change? By taking a moment and giving ourselves the opportunity to address these feelings, we can begin to learn where they are coming from, what factors are at play and what is important to us. From here, we can begin the process of identifying our core values and introducing the necessary behaviour change to eliminate this conflict.
What are the benefits of understanding your core Values?
Once you know what your core values are, you can then begin to understand your current behaviour and become consciously aware of any behaviour changes you need to make to be more in line with your values. This is when you can show up authentically, with inner peace and confidence.
Let’s think about this with an example. Think back the time when maybe you were asked tell a little white lie, or felt you couldn’t be entirely honest in the situation you found yourself in. How did it make you feel? What were your thoughts saying? How did your body react somatically? If the answer to these questions was along the lines of uncomfortable, dishonest, guilt, dishonourable, embarrassment or inauthentic, the chances are honesty is a core value of yours.
When we know what our core values are, we can adjust our behaviour to be in line with them. How do we currently behave in our environment and towards the people around us? How would we like to behave instead? Is our behaviour coming from a place of authenticity, or is consequence of people pleasing? What needs to happen for us to change our behaviour? By identifying our core values, we are more likely to recognise our current patterns of problematic behaviour and can address them, allowing us to show up as the whole person we want to be. When we can do this we are better able to live our lives authentically, with confidence, and with a sense of inner peace because our behaviours / actions aren’t conflicting with our core values.
Values are the foundation of who we are and how we behave, so having awareness of their importance is key to our emotional wellbeing. I invite you to carve out some time in your day to give yourself the gift of un-interrupted time and see what you notice.
If you'd like support in exploring your core values and how they align with your current behaviours, I invite you to book your Complimentary Call.
